TODAY:

work was great today... i was surprised at how awake i was at work. i did wake up at a quarter to 8 and didn't feel so awake. that's what i get for staying up till 4 am but it was worth it. once i came back home from dropping ricky off i went back to sleep. i took my friend's advice and kept myself busy. we looked at the yearbook and laughed a lot. kyle asked me to dance and we slow danced for 3 seconds by the bar. vince and i discussed children's names for different ethnicities. roland wanted to find something for me and vince to do because we were laughing so loud. then vince and i went to see no reservations and i cried but i guess vinnie made it funnier. the wildthings game was over and i smiled because i know the 4 top i seated was having a great time. sadly i had to tell them i wasn't roland's daughter and i can't ask him for a day off to go to a game. now i'm home... i feel cold

yea i know i haven't updated. i haven't been busy really, i just have been pushing melo away. i don't know why really. i love it dearly, but there's just something different. melo was where i put useful thoughts of ian or that's how it started and then just crap. i feel now that that chapter of my life is done, i'm empty. i can't sleep tonight. it's been the most emotional day and i'm not sure why. watching my little brother at band camp today made me cry. i had my giant sunglasses on and it hid it. something made me feel great and smile. he's grown up and look at him now. he grew up too fast and this summer i realized it. i'm crying now... i also was sad because i wish i could march. for those of you wanting to be drum major, beware.. i loved makin formations but i liked being in that formation. don't get me wrong, i want every opportunity to be a leader because that's how i've ALWAYS BEEN. but i want to march and play music. i really wish i had time for buffalo's band... so yea i can't sleep and talking to a friend is much better tonight. for once we're not making some kind of ridiculous remarks towards each other. i've really needed to talk to someone and with davy sleeping early... i need someone to talk to on night's like this. it's a big deal for me and it feels wonderful.

today was rather boring. i read more of harry potter, sucks my brother and i have to share and are reading it at the same time... i don't have it now obviously... but i did see captivity with jason, EB, vince, and heather. heather and i do what we usually do, hide behind our hoodies and sit like arm in arm shaking. jas made fun of everyone like he normally does. eb was eb and i wanted to kill him... vince, me and heather left again. lots of fun as always... scary movie but pretty good, didn't like the ending that much. then we stood around in the parking lot and chatted... that's about it.. tomorrow i work.... yay for tips